Contemplations

27 can be the year…

Yep, it’s my birthday.

Honestly, this year has had more than what seems like a fair share of bumps.  It hasn’t been easy. Sometimes I feel like an impostor adult, so getting another year older has the distinct burn of salt in the wound.

I can get really outcome-focused. I can’t get into a handstand and I loathe the work to try.  I have trouble enjoying the moment.  We all do it, on and off our mats. My focus on the outcome has rarely served me well, and you’d think I’d catch on, after 27 years of things not going as planned.

But here’s the cold hard truth: I am not in control.

And I hate that.  I’m not going where I want, so fuck the journey, right?  Sometimes it feels like the never-ending traffic back-up on 1-76 around the Conshocken curve.  Anxiety builds.  It just gets worse, and my destination is always out of sight.

No one’s life should be characterized by the anxiety of sitting in traffic.

And in the words of Paris Geller from Gilmore Girls: I want to live my life so that I’ll be able to read an in-depth biography of myself in my later years and not puke.

I’m going to face those birthday candles either way, so this year, I need to let go of that negativity as I blow them out.

Because I have a lot to be grateful for.  And I am.  And while there’s plenty of shit-hitting-the-fan moments that I will not be able to avoid, I must commit to putting my best intentions forward, and let things work out as they may.

27 can be the year I step back, tending to my intentions and worrying less about the outcome.

27 can be the year I stop caring if I get into a forearm stand or get my leg behind my leg.  If the pose is the outcome, yogis, that’s pretty silly, right?  Getting my leg behind my head is not important.  It will not make me a better person.  It will not enhance my relationships or propel my professional life.  It’s the practice, the struggle, the commitment to just show up and not give up, that is important.

27 can be the year I practice showing up for others with more love.

27 will be the year I cultivate an attitude of gratitude.  

Paleo banana bread birthday pancakes.

Paleo banana bread birthday pancakes.

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